Farewell my Uncle

Dear Uncle Lee Onn,

Nobody has ever called by your proper name..... some probably never even knew your proper name. Your nieces and nephews simply called you "Ey", or "Uncle La La" although I really don't see the slightest resemblance to the Teletubbies.

But you simply showed your toothles grin, knowing they can call you anything they liked, as long as they addressed you correctly as "Uncle", for that is what you were us. It is through no fault of yours that you were mentally challenged, nor any fault of yours that you were socially unrepresentable. But yet you tolerated all these years of verbal abuse, being taken for granted of, being shoved aside like the fifth wheel on the wagon, and not just that, a broken fifth wheel.

You probably will never be able to read this letter, or have anyone read this letter to you, because you would have passed on, without knowing what Death is. And that would always remain a mystery to us, what happened during your last moments, why were you found sprawled on the landing unconscious.

I would like to apologize for not being there for you, to hold your hand, and to cover your body from the cold hospital air. You were always afraid of hospitals and foreign beds, but fear not of Death's embrace. For this life was not for you and I know that much more happiness awaits you in the journey to come. Although it may seem to you that no one is sorry to see you go, do take comfort in the thought that there are loved ones who will really miss you.

Love always,
Your niece

Comic Singaporeans

I never thought that the funniest people in the world would be the Singaporeans. So here's a post in tribute to the funniest island inhabitants, whoever you are.

Here are some of the top 10 most...fascinating comments ever from the tiny island inhabitants.... I mean the island is tiny, not the inhabitants. By the way, if you don't understand some of the vocabulary used, that's because it's not English that they're writing.........it's a product of a million years evolution from Chinese, to Malay, to English and finally to a clever vocal-based language called, Singlish.
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In reponse to an article on rising job cuts and further retrenchments:

"Not surprising la. My stupid boss under pressure from his big boss so he bark like a bloody dog all day long. No substance whatsoever. Just shout his head off all day in office like the whole place on fire. Buay chai bugger"
Posted by: MadKopee at Wed May 13 21:48:02 SGT 2009
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In response to the Singaporean government's latest pro-marriage campaign:

"lidwat.. gahmen* should spend their money on other useful things like helping the poor lah.. things like marriage and procreation should be none of their business, just let nature take it's course.."
Posted by: 0517elias at Wed May 13 13:08:07 SGT 2009

[* gahmen = government ]
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"How nice, gahmen treating it's people like baby making factories, they are saying "anybody also can lah"..
Posted by: pappy at Wed May 13 10:18:15 SGT 2009
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In response to the capture of notorious Singaporean terrorist Mas Selamat in JB, Malaysia:

"so the MHA didnt know he was in malaysia insisting that he was still hiding in singapore even when the malaysian authority had been hinting that he was in malaysia by using huge sign boards welcoming him "selamat datang" Posted by:kongsonglanpahsong at Fri May 8 19:18:15 SGT 2009
[datang = arrive, coming in the Malay language; selamat datang = welcome ]
[Honestly, Mr. kongsonglanpahsong, I don't blame the Singaporean Ministry of Home Affairs. The way the signboards are set up in Malaysia...Mas Selamat could have been anywhere from Kelantan to Lata Kinjang...] -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In response to the government's plan to curb the spread of H1N1 flu:

"I wonder if the Minister has in his plans to move any of the patients, if need be and if and when its necessary, across the Straits to JB. Chances are that coastguards won't spot anyone. "
Posted by: sharlynrj at Wed May 13 14:50:43 SGT 2009
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In response to the mass food poisoning case resulting from Rojak that sickened 150 people and killed two :

"Indian Rojak is the domain of the Indian Muslims, not Malay Muslims. The Malays should be contented with selling their traditional Mee Siam, Lontong, Mee Rebus, Gado-Gado etc. Similarly you dont see Shanmugam selling Bah Kut Teh and Wong Kan Seng selling Thosai "
Posted by: sharlynrj at Wed May 13 14:50:43 SGT 2009
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"i ever kena FOOD POISONING a few times also , after eating SUSHII SUSHII it was terrible , i vomiting and vomiting and vomiting and vomiting and vomiting and vomiting and vomiting ......... it was very pain very very pain very very paini almost DIED alsoi NEVER eat SUSHII SUSHII again after that. "
Posted by: madjoker at Wed May 13 16:54:42 SGT 2009
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"aiya, the stall could have sold french cuisine, then would not have food poisoning...."
Posted by: bodoh at Wed May 13 17:32:12 SGT 2009

[Are you so sure, Mr. bodoh ? ]
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"bang sai bo suei chiu* "
Posted by: ahpek at Wed May 19 28:33:42 SGT 2009

[* bang sai = take a crap
bo = no
suei chiu = wash hands ]
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In response to gaps in the primary health care sector resulting from the H1N1 pandemic:

ok. those are small gaps.. look at NEA over our food hygience standards, it is one big crater!
Posted by: pappy at Wed May 13 08:14:20 SGT 2009
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Swamp-Dog Millionaire

My name is Hope. I'm a dog that has been rescued by Sabrina Yeap of Furry Friends Farm. That's me in the middle of the picture, held by my saviour. I was dumped at a mangrove swamp by villagers, about a half an hour's boat ride from the main island known as "Ketam Island" off the West Coast of Malaysia. Why ? I guess they didn't like the sight of me wandering along the streets, shedding fleas.

I was christened Hope, since I was rescued in time, after I managed to survive many hours trapped in the swamp mud. I thought my death was approaching, notwithstanding my terror when my friends turned foe tried to bite me, in an attempt to satisfy their hunger. (Yelp !) We have not eaten for days, weeks even, and the only source of food we had, were our dead friends.

One day, one of the dogs tried to swim accross the swamp to reach the main island. We never saw him again. We don't believe he made it alive. Yet, that has not stopped some of us from trying to escape the inescapable.

Still, to some of us, death by drowning seems like a welcome breath of fresh air, better than death by slow starvation.

....even the eagles look temptingly sumptuous, but are far, far out of reach.

When the rescuers came, I was the only dog out of many who was brought to safety. The rescuers didn't allow the other savage dogs to touch even a hair on my tail.

That's why I am the swamp-dog million-hair. For the rest of my friends, who knows what lies in their fate. The rescuers have left food for them on the mangrove island, but who knows how long that would last.

Thank you, Furry Friends for giving me a new lease of life. Please give my friends hope too.

If you are unable to help directly, please help by forwarding this appeal to other compassionate folks who you feel might be able to make some monetary contributions. Apart from boat hire, we need money to buy cages, to pay people to help catch them, to hire land transport to send the rescued animals to veterinary clinics, pay for vet fees, send the recovered ones to the shelter and to feed and house them for life. To donate or help, e-mail TV Smith at tvsmith@mycen.com.my or Sabrina Yeap at yeapwen@yahoo.com or

The Rescue Mission Secretariat at +6012 378 3730 (Janet) or +6012 320 8090 (Zalina)

For more background to the story, go to:

http://furryfriendsfarm2006.blogspot.com/

What's in a name (2)

A friend of mine has a pretty cool last name: 福 pronounced as "Fu", means good fortune and happiness in Mandarin. The meaning of his name would have come across better if he were living in China, but unfortunately for him, he lives in Sydney.

And so went his first day at college:

Teacher: As soon as I call your name, please raise your hand. Miller, Sanchez, Foe...
Fu: No ma'am, my name's pronounced as Fu.......Fuuuuuu......
Teacher: Foe....Foe
Fu: No, ma'am....Fuuuuu...like sorry's there's no English equivalent
Teacher: Alright then, how do you spell it ?
Fu: F-U
Teacher: What ???!!!!!!!!
Fu: I said, F-U
Teacher: Alright young man, are you trying to be funny with me ?
Fu: Nope, I'm just trying to spell my name, F-U.
Teacher: That's enough. From herwith, you're suspended without notice.
Fu: (Shit).

Fu's now married with kids. His first born was named David Fu Chin Kee. Initials FU CK.
His son's going to hate him.