Grandma

Two months ago, we were all shocked to learn that my 90 year old grandmother was suffering from stage IV terminal colon cancer. Mostly because she was never sick in her life, and despite her age, walked tirelessly to the market everyday 40 mins from her home, to provide food for herself, her youngest son and the maid for the last 40 years. When she was diagnosed with cancer, she was hit by severe bouts of fatigue and eventually her legs gave way. She continues to fight for her life everyday despite not having any medical treatment and her mind is still as clear as the summer rain.


I flew back 3 weeks ago as soon as I heard the news. I was alone, since my relatives had other obligations. My grandmother was skinny beyond recognition and was bed-ridden. She could still walk with some help but was not able to eat solid foods. She ended up throwing-up many times. The family even considered putting her on tubes, but the idea was immediately dropped not because it was medically unfeasible, but because it would cause her more pain and suffering. No specialist would treat her due to her age, so in the beginning all we could rely on were prescription free pain killers from the pharmacy.

To give you a rough idea how skinny she was when I first saw her, here is a comparison of her lower leg and my lower arm. Guess which is my arm and which is her leg ?

After I returned to see her, her condition got worse to the point that she had excruciating abdominal pains, especially during the night. The prescription free pain killers had lost effect on her due to the intensity of the pain and because she had trouble taking liquids. So for a few nights, all I could do was to hold her and rub her abdomen while she cried out in pain, and although I managed to say a few comforting words to her, my heart cried out with her too.

Things got better when my grandmother's case was referred to the palliative care unit of the Hospice Malaysia. We were soon given prescriptive drugs such as morphine, steroids and metochlopromide to ease her symptoms. Soon my task was to give my grandmother morphine jabs every few intervals and to watch her day and night....

and to change the syringe-driver every 24 hrs. We started out with a baby dose of 0.5 ml of morphine and after 2 days, we increased the dosage to 1 ml. I was soon confronted with the hideous responsibility of deciding when to give her morphine, since it was hard to gage the intensity of the pain she was experiencing. One has to strike a balance between easing the pain and the risk of losing her memory.

I also had to figure out how to change the drip. That took me a whole 30 mins to figure out. Harder than changing a light bulb.

I nearly peed in my pants, when I finally managed to set up the drip.
Up to this stage, she could even remember the number of 1 dollah notes in her safety box and the number of oranges in the fridge. She would comb her hair neatly after her bath, because she won't trust me with her hair....only with the morphine.
My grandma demonstrating the safe use of a N-65 anti-viral mask for swine flu prevention.

She was still capable of laughing and joking with her visitors during these difficult times and asked them about their own problems.

Her laugh was simply infectious. By this time, some of my aunts and uncles have returned to relieve me. However, I was still the only person capable of giving her the jabs, given that my aunts and uncles in their 70s were every bit near and far sighted. Having been in investment banking, keeping awake 24 hrs a day was all in a day's work. Sadly, for the older folks, the matter was an itsy bit more challenging than they thought.

My uncle, for instance, would reprimand anyone who talked too loud for fear of waking up my grandma during her noontime nap. As soon as it was all quiet, he would place himself comfortably on the living room couch, and start snoring.

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

After a week, I started noticing the strain 24-hr care had on these older folks.

One day, a phone call came for my uncle who was just on his way out. He rushed in, all red in the face and was trying to clarify directions on a road map to the caller.

Uncle: Aiya, why is it suddenly so dark in here ? I can't read the map-lah. Turn on all the lights !

Me: Why don't you try taking-off your sunglasses first.

Uncle: @*#!!

My aunt was a nervous wreck everyday. She doesn't sleep. She faints.

Above all, my grandma was the most nervous person in the house. Mainly, because she could hardly count on her aged children to lift her up when she wanted to do her potty business.

Q: How many persons does my grandma needs when she does her potty business ?

A: Four. One to carry her by the shoulders, one to carry her by the legs, one to position the potty below her and one to shout directions. And the person shouting directions is my nervous wreck of an aunt.

I was very much relieved when by a rare general consensus in the family, we agreed to hire 24 hr nurses to assist my grandma. That's when we found Grace, the nurse.

So with the arrival of the private nurses, my responsibility was reduced to washing my grandma's dentures....

....cooking her favourite pumpkin and sweet potato soup.

.....and taking her out on the wheelchair to see her favourite persimmon tree.

When I had to return overseas for work, saying goodbye remained the hardest task of all.

Indeed, I have considered resigning from my job to be by her side when she passes. But my grandma has a fighting spirit which I greatly admire, and she would not hear of me giving up on anything. So, I held her hand tightly and promised her that I would come back soon. And then we would take a walk to the market together to buy her favourite pumpkin and sweet potato soup.