Uncle Carlsberg Restaurant

Somehow, the weirdest restaurant names have the best food. Ok, best would be exaggerating.
Having spent my life overseas for a couple of years, and living off instant noodles 80% of the time, I have lost all senses on my taste buds. The only taste that I can differentiate is the concentration level of monosodium glutamate in my food.
As my mom always reminds me nowadays, "Everything tastes good to you-lah! ".

So when I say "best", it's always backed with the recommendation of a local person sealed with the personal approval of my mother.


Nobody knows the exact name of this particular eatery. On the single signboard outdoors was written "Uncle". Had the Carlsberg logo been placed below, I would have thought that the name of the restaurant was Uncle Carlsberg. But as it is, let's just assume that the name of the restaurant in typical Malaysian grammar is Carlsberg Uncle.

Located Off Entrepreneur Park in the distant Kuchai Lama, (don't ask me for directions) the restaurant is in fact an outdoor eatery, complete with plastic tables and chairs and lined with fluorescent lights. A very romantic place to take your girlfriend or wife for a special occassion....not to mention price worthy.

How price worthy, you might ask ? Well, for instance for a 4 course dinner of spinach soup, sweet and sour pork, trademark asam fish and steamed prawns with thinly sliced ginger and heavenly rice wine, cost only 59 dollahs. And I mean good ol' Malaysian do-llahs.


According to my acquaintances though, the prawns were a little overcooked, because the heating candles were kept on too long. Of course, I wouldn't know if the prawns were overcooked....because within 5 mins, my portion was already disintegrated by my digestive juices in my stomach. Best prawns in the world !!

You might need to keep a lookout on the pesky local cat. He comes begging round the tables for scraps every 5 mins. And he is very determined. Just make sure you don't stare him in the eye. Or he'll hypnotise you of every portion of fish you have on your table.

Best Coconuts in the World !

The best coconuts in the world are not in Brazil, not in the Maldives and certainly not on Miss Pamela Anderson. [OK, maybe she has the best coconuts in the world, but THOSE are another kind of coconuts. Plastic ones].

The best coconuts in the world (including aspects of size, taste and shape), or at least in my world, are found in Jalan Desa Utama, Taman Desa, but they are for drinking not for playing !!

Anyway, I happened to be walking home on a lonely stretch of road on a Saturday afternoon on a hot day with hellish temperatures. To cut things short, heat + haze = deadly thirst. I remember seeing the dirt rising from the ground and the smell of burning rubber...or was that a Mat Rempit ?

And suddenly, I saw a flash of mirage.....an oasis of coconuts !

Ok, so it wasn't an oasis of coconuts. But there were many....all packed at the back of a van, parked on the side of the road. If only I had money in my pockets....but I only had 2 measly ringgit. [Having been robbed twice before in broad daylight, I have refrained from carrying too much cash in my pockets. Ten-dollahs tops]

So, I proceeded to bargain with the coconut seller in sheer desperation.

Me: Oi, Uncle ! How much one coconut, ah ?

Uncle: Sam kau bun (Cantonese for three-fifty)

Me: Got two-dollahs only...but so, so, so....thirsty.....(dramatically grabbing my throat)

Uncle: Neveh-mind, can pay me back tomorrow-lah

What a life saver ! Not only did he agree to loan me some money, he expertly started to attack the biggest coconut with his crude cleaver, so that within a minute I could access its sweet flesh and thirst-quenching juice.

Meet Mr. Leng Chai ! [Not his real name in case you're from the local tax authorities]

Mr. Leng Chai has been in the coconut business for more than 15 years. Starting out as a humble stall Off Klang Road, KL.....he has moved to Jalan Desa Utama, Taman Desa quite recently. No doubt, being an honest man and a hard worker, he has been able to support his three children through college by his noble profession of relieving poor, thirsty hikers like me. From motorists to rich businessmen driving luxury cars, his business was simply thriving. Minimum waiting period: 5 - 8 minutes per coconut, unless you were obviously dying of dehydration and sun stroke like me.

Customers from all walks of life were flocking to his stall on this hot day....and the cleaver never rested.

I handled my own coconut carefully, slowly placing it on a table so as not to spill the juice. It looked simply inviting.

I turned the straw towards me, and sucked its sweet juice, like there was no tomorrow....

...and scoop out its succulent white flesh.

Alternatively, you could do these two things at the same time. Spoon on the right hand to scoop out the flesh, straw in your mouth to drink the juice...and a cup of ice cream on the side.

After 15 years, his stall has expanded to include a couple of plastic tables and chairs set below some shady trees beside a dirt road. His stock of coconuts were kept behind his makeshift van. CAPEX was a totally foreign word to him. Nevertheless, he insists he has a secret mantra to a successful business: What goes better with coconut juice on a hot day than a happy, smiling face ? Apparently, he doesn't let anything drive him nuts.

Thinking about thinking

I think I need to go to the 14th International Conference on Thinking. What do you think ?

Charm me back, Borobudor

Borobudor is full of charms....no, not those one dollah magic charms (due to inflation now five-dollah) that are readily sold by your fake neighbourhood shamans, but charm in the sense of the word....a feast for the senses. In fact, I have been to Borobudor 3 times straight, and the desire to return has always been greater each time.

There are about a hundred blogs out there which features Borobudor as a tourist trap, complete with warnings not to buy any of those English/German/Chinese/Japanese guide books or stupa shaped souvenirs (available as key chain, paper weights, pens, statuettes, wood carvings and more !!).

But why not do the good people of Borobudor justice, and help support the local people with their only means of income. After all, as long as you're not trying to take a picture of them or infringe on their personal rights, you're not doing any harm by a little bargaining. Most of the time however, it works the other way round, you might find the occasional pesky vendor infringing upon your personal space while trying to sell you miniature stupas although you might have already bought one from him the previous day (I myself already have 3 miniature stupas and about a dozen key chains, which I give away for special occassions like birthdays and Christmas.....to people I don't really like). In such circumstances, simply pull out your pockets and say "Maaf, Encik, tak ada duit-lah". (Translated into English: "Sorry, Mister. I'm strapped of cash")

But the one thing that attracts me back to Borobudor is definitely not the cheap souvenirs, nor the craving for freshly harvested coconuts, large juicy bananas or succulent mangos, all fresh from the local orchard, nor the intricate architecture.
It's a simple challenge of fate: Whether or not, you're lucky enough to see the sun rise today.



Legend has it, that those who are able to witness the sun rise from the top of the sacred stupa, will be bestowed with the full blessings and grace of the Buddha.

From my experience, I have learnt not to underestimate the power of the weather forecast. But even then, many factors can go wrong, such as the timing of the sun rise or the density of the morning clouds, fogs, rain, much which cannot be forecasted correctly.

So, you need to rely on pure, pure luck. Of course, the earlier you arrive at the peak of the stupa, the greater the chances you have of witnessing this majestic wonder. Naturally, in order to enter the monument grounds before dawn, you need to purchase a "Sun Rise Ticket" from the official hotel, also known as "Manohara Hotel", or your entry will be flatly refused. (Unless you try to bribe the official hotel guard, but that might even cost you more than the entry ticket itself....something which I have, ehem, heard from word of mouth)


Of course, if you have spent your last Ruppiahs on the souvenir vendor, or if you're not an early riser, you could try your luck and catch the first sunrise when the temple gates are open for public entry, which would be around 7a.m.

The last time I managed to catch the sunrise, it was at about 6 a.m. It takes you about 15 mins to climb to the top leaving you gasping for air, because of the breathtaking view from above.


No words can describe the feeling, when you do manage to catch the sunrise. It's enough for me to be there....for that one brief moment, watching the sun rays enlightening the world, all fatigue from the previous night forgotten.

...the silhouette of the Borobudor architecture against the sunrise.


The way down is much easier (just like life itself). Be sure to make a peace sign at all times, just in case a pesky blogger takes a snapshot of you.



The intricate lime stone carvings surrounding the monument depicting the life story of the Buddha leaves you wiser than before.

I think I have lost count of the number of Buddha statues surrounding the monument. But a quick check in Wikipedia gives you the accurate number: In total 504 Buddha statues and 2,672 relief Buddha carvings.


And for those pesky tourists who can't resist the desire of embedding their names into the walls of the great historical monument, "No Scratching (the walls) ".

Below, a perfect Buddha statue with facial features and limbs intact in the hand position of dharmachakra mudra (turning the Wheels of the Law). The monument has suffered pillage by "treasure hunters and excavators" from the West (Yes, I blame all you Indiana Jones and Laura Croft wannabe's). Sadly, many of the Buddha statues have suffered decapitation or loss of limbs under the hands of these plunderers.

A touch of the lucky Buddha's foot inside the stupa to seek His blessings and grace. You need to find the right stupa with the lucky Buddha in it. (And it's no use trying to touch every Buddha statue you come across, not if there are about 504 of them...)
The view from the veranda of our hotel room at the Manahora Hotel at about 9a.m. It's never a bad time for an hour's sleep....zzzzzzzzz

...unless, you are awoken by the pesky local hotel cat...

....or the singing bird, right in front of your hotel veranda....

in which case, it's also never a bad time to have a hearty breakfast after a pre-dawn climb.

Farewell my Uncle

Dear Uncle Lee Onn,

Nobody has ever called by your proper name..... some probably never even knew your proper name. Your nieces and nephews simply called you "Ey", or "Uncle La La" although I really don't see the slightest resemblance to the Teletubbies.

But you simply showed your toothles grin, knowing they can call you anything they liked, as long as they addressed you correctly as "Uncle", for that is what you were us. It is through no fault of yours that you were mentally challenged, nor any fault of yours that you were socially unrepresentable. But yet you tolerated all these years of verbal abuse, being taken for granted of, being shoved aside like the fifth wheel on the wagon, and not just that, a broken fifth wheel.

You probably will never be able to read this letter, or have anyone read this letter to you, because you would have passed on, without knowing what Death is. And that would always remain a mystery to us, what happened during your last moments, why were you found sprawled on the landing unconscious.

I would like to apologize for not being there for you, to hold your hand, and to cover your body from the cold hospital air. You were always afraid of hospitals and foreign beds, but fear not of Death's embrace. For this life was not for you and I know that much more happiness awaits you in the journey to come. Although it may seem to you that no one is sorry to see you go, do take comfort in the thought that there are loved ones who will really miss you.

Love always,
Your niece

Comic Singaporeans

I never thought that the funniest people in the world would be the Singaporeans. So here's a post in tribute to the funniest island inhabitants, whoever you are.

Here are some of the top 10 most...fascinating comments ever from the tiny island inhabitants.... I mean the island is tiny, not the inhabitants. By the way, if you don't understand some of the vocabulary used, that's because it's not English that they're writing.........it's a product of a million years evolution from Chinese, to Malay, to English and finally to a clever vocal-based language called, Singlish.
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In reponse to an article on rising job cuts and further retrenchments:

"Not surprising la. My stupid boss under pressure from his big boss so he bark like a bloody dog all day long. No substance whatsoever. Just shout his head off all day in office like the whole place on fire. Buay chai bugger"
Posted by: MadKopee at Wed May 13 21:48:02 SGT 2009
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In response to the Singaporean government's latest pro-marriage campaign:

"lidwat.. gahmen* should spend their money on other useful things like helping the poor lah.. things like marriage and procreation should be none of their business, just let nature take it's course.."
Posted by: 0517elias at Wed May 13 13:08:07 SGT 2009

[* gahmen = government ]
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"How nice, gahmen treating it's people like baby making factories, they are saying "anybody also can lah"..
Posted by: pappy at Wed May 13 10:18:15 SGT 2009
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In response to the capture of notorious Singaporean terrorist Mas Selamat in JB, Malaysia:

"so the MHA didnt know he was in malaysia insisting that he was still hiding in singapore even when the malaysian authority had been hinting that he was in malaysia by using huge sign boards welcoming him "selamat datang" Posted by:kongsonglanpahsong at Fri May 8 19:18:15 SGT 2009
[datang = arrive, coming in the Malay language; selamat datang = welcome ]
[Honestly, Mr. kongsonglanpahsong, I don't blame the Singaporean Ministry of Home Affairs. The way the signboards are set up in Malaysia...Mas Selamat could have been anywhere from Kelantan to Lata Kinjang...] -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In response to the government's plan to curb the spread of H1N1 flu:

"I wonder if the Minister has in his plans to move any of the patients, if need be and if and when its necessary, across the Straits to JB. Chances are that coastguards won't spot anyone. "
Posted by: sharlynrj at Wed May 13 14:50:43 SGT 2009
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In response to the mass food poisoning case resulting from Rojak that sickened 150 people and killed two :

"Indian Rojak is the domain of the Indian Muslims, not Malay Muslims. The Malays should be contented with selling their traditional Mee Siam, Lontong, Mee Rebus, Gado-Gado etc. Similarly you dont see Shanmugam selling Bah Kut Teh and Wong Kan Seng selling Thosai "
Posted by: sharlynrj at Wed May 13 14:50:43 SGT 2009
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"i ever kena FOOD POISONING a few times also , after eating SUSHII SUSHII it was terrible , i vomiting and vomiting and vomiting and vomiting and vomiting and vomiting and vomiting ......... it was very pain very very pain very very paini almost DIED alsoi NEVER eat SUSHII SUSHII again after that. "
Posted by: madjoker at Wed May 13 16:54:42 SGT 2009
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"aiya, the stall could have sold french cuisine, then would not have food poisoning...."
Posted by: bodoh at Wed May 13 17:32:12 SGT 2009

[Are you so sure, Mr. bodoh ? ]
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"bang sai bo suei chiu* "
Posted by: ahpek at Wed May 19 28:33:42 SGT 2009

[* bang sai = take a crap
bo = no
suei chiu = wash hands ]
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In response to gaps in the primary health care sector resulting from the H1N1 pandemic:

ok. those are small gaps.. look at NEA over our food hygience standards, it is one big crater!
Posted by: pappy at Wed May 13 08:14:20 SGT 2009
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Swamp-Dog Millionaire

My name is Hope. I'm a dog that has been rescued by Sabrina Yeap of Furry Friends Farm. That's me in the middle of the picture, held by my saviour. I was dumped at a mangrove swamp by villagers, about a half an hour's boat ride from the main island known as "Ketam Island" off the West Coast of Malaysia. Why ? I guess they didn't like the sight of me wandering along the streets, shedding fleas.

I was christened Hope, since I was rescued in time, after I managed to survive many hours trapped in the swamp mud. I thought my death was approaching, notwithstanding my terror when my friends turned foe tried to bite me, in an attempt to satisfy their hunger. (Yelp !) We have not eaten for days, weeks even, and the only source of food we had, were our dead friends.

One day, one of the dogs tried to swim accross the swamp to reach the main island. We never saw him again. We don't believe he made it alive. Yet, that has not stopped some of us from trying to escape the inescapable.

Still, to some of us, death by drowning seems like a welcome breath of fresh air, better than death by slow starvation.

....even the eagles look temptingly sumptuous, but are far, far out of reach.

When the rescuers came, I was the only dog out of many who was brought to safety. The rescuers didn't allow the other savage dogs to touch even a hair on my tail.

That's why I am the swamp-dog million-hair. For the rest of my friends, who knows what lies in their fate. The rescuers have left food for them on the mangrove island, but who knows how long that would last.

Thank you, Furry Friends for giving me a new lease of life. Please give my friends hope too.

If you are unable to help directly, please help by forwarding this appeal to other compassionate folks who you feel might be able to make some monetary contributions. Apart from boat hire, we need money to buy cages, to pay people to help catch them, to hire land transport to send the rescued animals to veterinary clinics, pay for vet fees, send the recovered ones to the shelter and to feed and house them for life. To donate or help, e-mail TV Smith at tvsmith@mycen.com.my or Sabrina Yeap at yeapwen@yahoo.com or

The Rescue Mission Secretariat at +6012 378 3730 (Janet) or +6012 320 8090 (Zalina)

For more background to the story, go to:

http://furryfriendsfarm2006.blogspot.com/